At 55, I found myself at a crossroads. I was 250 pounds, drinking heavily, estranged from my family, financially stressed, and battling depression.
I hardly recognized the person I had become.
The turning point came when I visited my kids after a long absence. As I drove home, a realization hit me like a freight train: I needed to grow up and take ownership of my life.
No more excuses, no more hiding. It was time for a full reset.
1. Mastering My Mind: The Foundation of Transformation
My journey began with the most critical and challenging piece: my mindset.
For over a decade, I struggled with negative thought patterns and self-destructive tendencies. I felt trapped in a fog, passively observing my life unravel.
I’ve since learned that the same mental energy that pulled me towards destruction also held the power to propel me to growth. The key was understanding and harnessing that power.
I will be honest I never believed in that bullshit. Imagine the future, and it will get you there.
But then, all of a sudden, I created these thoughts, which drive my actions and ultimately shape results.
That shit started working.
I realized I could shift my entire life trajectory by becoming aware of and intentionally choosing my thoughts.
WTF…that shit is real
I started by identifying the thoughts that were holding me back:
"I'm not good enough,"
"It's too late for me,"
"I'll always be stuck."
Whenever those thoughts arose, I acknowledged them but refused to buy into them.
Instead, I practiced replacing them with empowering alternatives:
"I'm capable of change"
"I'm in control of my future"
"Every small step matters"
I was literally rewiring my brain through daily practice.
I filled my mind with positive inputs—inspiring podcasts, books on personal development, and conversations with growth-oriented people.
Slowly but surely, my internal dialogue began to shift. I started to believe change was possible, and that belief became the bedrock of my transformation.
2. Ruthless Refocus: Prioritizing What Matters
With my mindset on the mend, I focused on my daily habits.
I had been spinning my wheels for years, busying myself with trivial tasks while neglecting the essentials. My energy was scattered, and my focus diffused.
I needed to ruthlessly eliminate distractions and zero in on what mattered most to create meaningful change.
I started by conducting a life audit.
I took an honest look at how I was spending my time and energy.
The results were illuminating and somewhat painful.
I was devoting hours to…
Mindless social media scrolling
Wasting nights on binge drinking
Allowing low-priority work tasks to consume my days.
Meanwhile, my health, relationships, and long-term goals were taking a backseat.
Armed with this awareness, I committed to relentlessly refocusing.
I identified the areas that would make the greatest impact—my physical well-being, career development, family connections, and education.
These became my non-negotiables, the activities I would prioritize above all else.
Every morning, I woke up to a rewritten to-do list.
Rather than tackling minor items first, I forced myself to start with the vital few.
I time blocked my schedule, carving out sacred hours for exercise, focused work, and quality time with loved ones. I set boundaries around my "escape" activities, limiting social media and cutting alcohol entirely.
This refocus required difficult tradeoffs and serious self-discipline. It meant saying no to invitations, de-prioritizing non-urgent tasks, and facing discomfort head-on.
But as I stayed the course, I began to see major shifts.
My productivity skyrocketed
My relationships deepened
My self-respect started to rebuild.
By channeling my energy towards what truly mattered, I was finally moving the needle.
3. Relentless Consistency: The Power of Small Disciplines
Change is not an event; it's a process.
It's the accumulation of small, daily choices that, over time, rewire our identities and rewrite our stories.
No one becomes fit, successful, or fulfilled by one grand gesture—rather, quiet consistency, the unglamorous everyday habits, ultimately shape our lives.
This was a hard truth for me to accept.
I wanted quick fixes and overnight results, but my decades of struggle had proven that approach futile. If I wanted to create lasting change, I needed to embrace the power of relentless consistency.
I started small, focusing on one keystone habit: my morning routine.
Instead of sleeping in and nursing hangovers, I committed to waking up at 4 a.m. each day and hitting the gym. The first week was brutal—my body ached, my mind resisted, and my resolve wavered. But I showed up every day anyway until it became non-negotiable.
That one habit became the catalyst for a chain reaction.
With my energy levels increasing and my confidence growing, I tackled other areas with newfound zeal.
I began…
Meal-prepping healthy lunches
Blocking off focused work hours
Showing up fully present for my kids.
The more I followed through on my commitments, the stronger my self-trust grew.
Progress wasn't linear - there were slip-ups and setbacks along the way.
But I could rebound quicker and maintain momentum by keeping my eye on the larger trajectory. Each small win fueled the next, creating a virtuous cycle of growth.
4. Vulnerability and Connection: Healing Through Others
Change doesn't happen in isolation.
We are wired for connection; through our relationships, we find the support, accountability, and inspiration to become our best selves.
For much of my life, I had viewed vulnerability as a weakness.
I hid my struggles, put on a brave face, and suffered in silence. But that approach only led to more pain and isolation.
Part of taking radical responsibility was owning up to the damage I had done to my relationships.
I had to confront how my addiction and absence had hurt those closest to me.
This meant having difficult conversations, offering sincere apologies, and committing to show up differently.
One of the hardest moments was facing my children after years of inconsistent presence. I sat down with them individually, looked them in the eye, and acknowledged how I had let them down. I didn't make excuses or skirt responsibility. I simply owned my failures and expressed my deep desire to rebuild trust. Those conversations were terrifying and humbling, but they marked a turning point in our relationship.
As I continued to open up to others, I discovered the incredible healing power of vulnerability.
That’s what this is all about. The full monty.
5. Extreme Ownership: The Buck Stops Here
At the end of the day, I am the only one responsible for my life.
Not my...
Parents
My partner
My boss
Or society
This realization was both terrifying and liberating.
It meant I could no longer blame external circumstances for my discontent. But it also meant I held the power to create the life I desired.
Extreme ownership became my mantra.
In every area I was struggling in —health, finances, relationships, career—I forced myself to look in the mirror and ask,
What is my role in this?
What can I do differently to change the outcome?
By taking full responsibility, I could shift from a victim mentality to an empowered mindset.
This approach required brutal honesty and humility. It meant owning up to my poor financial choices, acknowledging the ways I had neglected my health, and accepting my part in strained relationships.
It wasn't about self-blame but rather about recognizing my agency and committing to do better.
It did one powerful thing that was so prevalent in my life. It removed the quilt.
As I practiced extreme ownership, I became more proactive and solution-oriented.
Instead of complaining about my low energy, I researched and implemented a nutrition plan.
Rather than lamenting my lack of career growth, I sought additional training and undertook stretch assignments.
I could create meaningful momentum by focusing on what was within my control.
Embracing extreme ownership also meant celebrating my successes.
For so long, I had downplayed my achievements and deflected praise. But part of taking responsibility was owning my wins and acknowledging my progress.
As I hit milestones -
Losing 25 pounds
Earning a promotion
Rekindling relationships
- I paused to savor the moment and give myself credit. Those celebrations fueled my motivation and reinforced my commitment to growth.
The Road Ahead
My transformation journey is far from over.
Every day presents new challenges and opportunities to fall back into old patterns.
But armed with the principles of…
Mental mastery
Relentless refocus
Consistent action
Vulnerable connection
Extreme ownership
I feel equipped to face whatever lies ahead.
To anyone feeling stuck, hopeless, or out of control, know this: change is possible.
No matter your age, background, or current circumstances, you have the power to rewrite your story. It won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight. But by committing to personal responsibility and taking it one day at a time, you can create a life beyond your wildest imaginings.
Start small.
Pick one area of your life that feels most out of alignment.
Set a goal, create a plan, and take one step forward. Then another.
Surround yourself with people who will challenge and encourage you.
Celebrate your wins, learn from your failures, and just keep going.
Remember, your life is your responsibility. No more excuses, no more hiding.
It's time to step up, own your truth, and create the life you deserve.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
So take that step, and know that you have what it takes to go the distance.
Are you ready to join the evolution of yourself—a revolution of people going full Monty? Then this is the place for you.
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